Oddest massage experience ever.

Okay, I know I'm over a month past my last update, but I just had to relay this story.

I bought two daily deals because it was such a steal. $30 for a 90 min massage. It's a block from Cafe Flora, so I thought "decent block, won't be a bad place to go" and the description of the salon didn't make it sound off or anything.

My appt was for 6pm. Got there on time. Had a hard time finding it because it was on the backside of the block-long building of various shops. Cute boutiques, a cupcake store, etc.

The salon is definitely one of those "I go there because I know it's there" places, not some place you drop by because it looks nice from the street. It was kind of run down and poorly lit. There were only 3 chairs, it was all in one smallish room. And it was a weave and braids salon. I was the only whitey there. Which, I know, is not a very sensitive thing to notice, but EVERYONE stared at me when I walked in.

The masseuse was the only male in the salon. Which also makes me kind of uncomfortable.

The massage area is partitioned off from the rest of the salon by a fake wall in the back of the room. The wall didn't go to the ceiling, there was about a foot and a half of clearance, so I could hear everything going on in the salon. Not very relaxing. The space was incredibly small and dim!

I got headphones for "soothing music" because he didn't have speakers.

There was a mini fridge and microwave in the massage room.

OH! And when I walked in, there was a little dog, I pet it and the masseuse says "Yes, that's Action Jackson. He'll be in there, too. He has a little bed under the massage table. He's my service dog."

The masseuse had several gold front teeth and long braids.

I swear I am bruised all over (you can't see them but my skin hurts to the touch all over) because, despite asking four times, he gave me the most painful deep tissue massage I've ever received. After I asked for a Swedish massage. I told him I was sore from a workout the day before, but nevermind that.

I had the feeling something wasn't quite right with him socially. At one point I said my mid-back was really tight, and so he needs to go easy on it, and he responded (I got this a few times) "Oh yeah, I'm really good at disarming the nerves." and went on digging into the muscle. I've never had my kidneys massaged, but I'm pretty sure that's what hurt so much.

At the end of the massage, he said that the massage is designed to remove [long list of "toxins"] from your muscles, so be sure to drink lots of water to flush the system. I don't remember the list of toxins, except "herbs and spices" were the last two he said. I know you're supposed to try and flush your system after a professional masage, I just thought herbs and spices were funny. They weren't meant to be funny

I felt sorry for the guy, he just seemed so odd, I gave him a normal tip. He saw what I wrote on my check and said "Well, for customers who give me a tip over $10 (which I was giving), I like to give them one of my Auntie's homemade soaps" which were for sale in the front display case, along with cheap rhinestone jewelry. So, although that was weird, it was pretty nice. The soap smells really good.

And then he walked me to my car.
Oddest massage experience ever. Not relaxing whatsoever.